I am not: always bubbly and happy.

I hurt: when I can't help those who need it most.

I love: my parents, who are the best examples of God's grace that I have seen thus far.

I hate: that it's hard for me to open up to people.

I fear: that I am missing out on a lot by not stepping out and being who I am called to be.

i hope: to grow old with my husband and still hold his hand when we are 70. :)

i hear: Nozomi sighing in her sleep.

i crave: to get in my car and drive until I decide that I am "there," then turn around and come back.

i regret: being too afraid to say how I really feel on a few occasions

i cry: when I watch certain movies, and when I laugh hard. I also cry when I see other people crying.

i care: about people.

i always: run in fear of baby carrots

i long to: sing without any inhibitions

i feel alone: when I feel like the people around me don't really know me.

i listen: less than I talk.

i hide: Secrets. I'm a good secret-keeper, both mine and other people's.

i drive: The Blue Meanie.

i sing: all the time. I'm a juke box.

i dance: whenever I hear music. At least, I want to cut a mean rug pretty much all the time, but I rarely bust a move during church, etc.

i write: neatly.

i breathe: to stay alive?

i play: Mall Madness!!

i miss: Brittany and Melissa. Lots.

i search: for clean socks.

i learn: best between 10 and 3.

i feel: kind of queasy. My turkey bagel sandwich must not be settling very well.

i know: that God is in control, but I get impatient and want answers NOW, instead of when I am ready for them.

i succeed: in making myself laugh. Others too, but sometimes I really crack myself up, and I am ok with that.

i fail: at letting go of a few inhibitions.

i dream: about certain people, which usually means I wake up happy.

i sleep: more than I did last semester.

i wonder: why Brittany's parents won't co-sign for her.

i want: clarity for my future.

i worry: less than most people I know.

i have: some amazing friendships that have seen me through some pretty crummy stuff.

i fight: my urges to over-analyze things, especially concerning members of the opposite sex.

i wait: for someone to give my heart to. YAY!

i need: to buy a few more books.

i am: confident.

i think: that whiners suck.

i stay: in bed longer than I should, especially on cold winter mornings.

Sometimes, I get on these kicks where I want to dress up. It's crazy, I know, but on occasion, the funny t-shirts and jeans just don't cut it for me. Like tonight. I want to dress up tomorrow. Why? I have no idea! But usually, what heppens is this: I'll get tired of wearing the same old t-shirts, so I'll decide to wear something nice, then I go rooting through all of my clothes until I find something I want to wear, at which point I say, "Incredible! I have NOTHING to wear!" knowing perfectly well that I have more clothes than lots of people I know, and then I pick out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans/ old man pants to wear. Usually, my plans of making myself presentable fail miserably. Oh well. At least I've tried. And the reason I'm saying this is because it happened again tonight. I had the intention of findind something cute to wear, but no, I think I have decided on a yellow "Poison Isn't Child's Play" t-shirt and a pair of jeans. How not-what-I-was-going-for.

I've had every one of my classes at least once, so I think it's about time I share what I think about all of them.

HST202. History of the World after 1500. This is my Thursday night class, which I took ON PURPOSE because I like the prof. I know, I'm a nerd. He taught my world civ. class, and I loved it, so I decided to take my other history class with him. I thought that a three hour long history lecture was going to be not so fun, but I was wrong. I am more of an artsy and history-y person than math-y and science...y. I really didn't mind sitting there all night tonight. Plus, John Dean and Eric Mavis are in there too, and they sat on either side of me, so that made it more fun. I felt like such a midget, though. Eric is 6'4", I think, and John is 6'1" or 6'2". I felt short.

SPA348. Latin American Studies. Today we actually started the class, Tuesday was a teaser b/c nobody had bought the books yet. I was suprised at the content of the class; it's more of a social studies class about Latin American countries, but it's taught in SPanish. I guess I never thought I'd be to the point where I could take an actual class (outside of strictly a language-learning class, I mean) in a foreign language. I further impressed myself that I followed the lecture pretty closely and took good notes. I did learn, though, that I need to do a better job with the reading if we are expected to participate in the discussions, which we are.

CED354. Working with Children. If this class wasn't required for my major (which I might switch, I'll get to that later), I wouldn't be taking it. I don't think I'm called to children's ministry, and aside from having kids of my own, I don't want all that much involvement with the little tikes. Not that I don't like children, because I do, but I definitely don't want to spend an entire class learning how to prepare Sunday school lessons for toddlers, which is what this class is about, so far. The prof is my advisor, and he is incredibly easy. it's a hard thing to manage to fail one of his classes.

SOC225. Cultural Anthropology. Another night class. Whoever thought of making this class into a night class deserves to be drawn and quartered. Again, it's required for my major, and I don't mind taking it, except I don't want it for 3 hours one night a week. I had the prof for my break out group leader in UNV180 last year, and we got along really well. He is good, but really soft-spoken and VERY monotonous. The discussion part will be really good, I think, and it's something I am interested in, but the lecture segment is a killer. Jennie dozed off a few times within the first hour last night, and I entertained myself by writing all 50 states in alphabetical order. I was about to start the books of the Bible, but we took a break.

PSY250. Developmental Psychology. The prof is awesome, I like psychology, and it's neither a 7:50 or a night class, so I'm liking it already. We are supposed to cover every stage of development, from womb to tomb, but that's a huge amount of material, so I'm assuming nothing will be very in-depth. Sometimes, I wish I was a psych major because I want to know all the in-depth stuff and learn theories closely, etc., but psych isn't what I'm considering switching my major to.

MUS100AA/MUS110. What started out as my much-anticipated voice lesson was changed to a not-so-anticipated voice class. The difference: the presence of 5 or 6 other students. If I wanted to take a voice class with other students, I would have signed up for that. But, due to over-booking and the fact that I am not a music major, I got the shaft and was switched to the class. I decided to go next week, and if I hate it, then I'll drop it. Not a big deal, it's only 1 credit.

I'm still not positive if I am in the right major. I am still considering switching to pre-med, and maybe minoring in Christian Ministries and Spanish, but that would guarantee me not graduating in less than 5 full years, possibly more, and then medical school. I don't know what to do, so I am taking any helpful insights from willing parties, if I think they are wise. I've wanted to be a doctor pretty much my whole life, but I always thought it was unrealistic because as I wrote earlier, I lean more towards the art, history, and language studies than math and science. I talked to my parents about it some last year, and after Dad quit laughing when he realized I was serious, they were very supportive. But then again, they'd be supportive of pretty much anything I decided to do, short of dropping out of school and moving to Sudan where I could sell myself into slavery. Well, unless I said I was going to further the kindgom, then I'm sure they'd send me support checks or something. :) But all joking aside, I really do need to be making up my mind. I'm not feeling content in CED. I don't want to be a pastor, either, so CM might not be the best route, but I know I'd get a better edumacation and preparation for almost any ministry if I went that way. Grr... I'll update when I make up my mind.

I miss Brittany lots. The room is a lot quieter than it was last semester, but I guess when there are only 2 people instead of 4, that accounts for a lot of noise. Noz and I have relatively the same schedules, except she works at night, so we see each other some, but not lots. She is getting over her jetlag (Japan is 14 hours ahead. Yuck.). Today is her birthday, so I made her a sign and bought a small cake. It's for both of us, as my birthday was on Monday, so we'll eat that later. Yum!

Last night, Amy, Angie, Katie, and I played Mall Madness after my class. It was great! All the bad things kept happening to Angie, so she was losing, but she ended up coming in 3rd, which is ALMOST respectable. Once, I told her she had enough spaces to go into a certain store, so she went there, but when she got there, she didn't have enough money to buy the thing, so she got kinda mad and blamed me for trying to trick her. If you ask me, she should have checked her "funds" before she tried to buy. And I didn't do it on purpose, I was trying to be helpful b/c she didn't think she could make it anywhere. Oh well. Such is life. I won, by the way, which added fuel to the fire that I was conspirign against her for sending me to the restroom AND ice cream parlor, but no, I wasn't. :)

Christmas break is but a memory now, as I am rapidly getting back into the swing of things at school. Ok, that's an exaggeration, as I only got back here last night right before 9 pm. But still, things are picking up already.

I had a great break. It was good to be home where there is not any drama. No major breakdowns or breakups, and I didn't find myself in any huge, traumatic situations than had nothing to do with me in the first place. That was a welcomed change from last semester. Anyhoo, being home was good. It was nice to sleep, and sleep I did. In fact, sleeping was probably the single thing I did most over break. It was wonderful. Have I mentioned that I love my bed?

Christmas was fun. I finally got a videocamera, which I have been asking for for probably 4 or 5 years. Clothes, books, and DVDs made up the majority of the rest of my treasures. The day after Christmas, my family always lays (lies?) around and watches the movies we got the day before. I watched 6 that day, it was incredible.

It was good to see Stroup, too. Yay for her.

Brittany gave me Mall Madness, a 24 pack of Cherry Coke, and a pair or orange legwarmers. I was pumped. I laughed a lot. I haven't played Mall Madness since I was about 10, probably. I never had it, but my cousin did, and we always played it. We talked about it a lot last semester, so Brittany found one on Ebay for me. What a pal. It's crazy to think that she isn't here anymore. It was so quiet in my room yesterday. Jenn moved out, Brittany isn't coming back, and Noz doens't get in until tonight. It was just me, and it was weird. I don't mind being alone, but it's when solitude is forced that it's no fun.

I picked up Janeen and Jennie from the airport yesterday. When the luggage was coming down off of the conveyor belt, Jennie saw that her smaller suitcase had come unzipped, and her bras were hanging out. she was really embarrased, so she didn't pick it up. However, when her big, red suitcase was right in front of it and the smaller bag matched the larger one, and it was the only red luggage on the flight, people put the two and two together. She was so embarrassed, so she came over to tell Melissa (who had gone with me to pick them up) about it. Melissa, being the self-assured stud that she is, walked over and picked it up off of the spinning conveyor and walked back to where we were. People watched her and were laughing as she carried it across the luggage claim lobby. It was really, really funny.

Yesterday was my birthday. Yay for me. I got a banana in my mail box today that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEN from Kalee, which I thought was funny. Who doesn't like birthday bananas? I know I do.