It's only the beginning of October and I'm already formulating my plans for the summer. I think I'm going to spend my summer break abroad, living with a missionary family. It's actually really cool how this has all come about, and if you want to know the story, just ask and I'll tell. But yeah, as of right now, I'm looking at spending my summer on the mission field.

I started filling out the application tonight. It makes me really anxious to think about leaving all of....this, but dang, how exciting! Of course, I don't know where I'd be going yet, but preferably somewhere that speaks Spanish. The potential to become fluent by submerging myself into an all-Spanish context is thrilling. I so desperately want to be fluent.

I'm still not positive that I'll get to go, but I'm feeling led to go somewhere this summer, so I am waiting on the Lord to open and close doors. At this point, I'll be really bummed if this doesn't work out. 3 months in a foreign country. Eek! BUT, if this is not what I am supposed to be doing, then so be it. I think Oswald Chambers said it best...

"If God gives a clear and emphatic realization to your soul of what He wants, do not try to keep yourself in that relationship by any particular method, but live a natural life of absolute dependence on Jesus Christ. Never try to live the life with God on any other line than God's line, and that line is absolute devotion to Him."

Easier said that done. But try we must, and try I will!

It's at times like this that I like to read and reread (and reread and reread) a prayer of Thomas Merton that I found and wrote in my Bible a few years ago:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

I went a little deeper than I had originally intended, and as soon as I started typing this, my mind went several different places and I found myself wanting to write about theology and include quote after quote from ancient thinkers. Granted, Chambers and Merton aren't "ancient" but I passed on quotes from Aquinas and Augustine. So there you have it. This is what I've been contemplating for the past few days.

Oh, and tonight is Tea Tuesday in my room, so if you are at the WU and happen to read this: Kem 308 between 9:30 and 11. Free hot drinks (made by yours truly and the awesome ladies I live with. Meg works at Starbucks. We have flavored syrups and everything!) and snacks.